The butterfly’s effect

IMG_2407You ever cry but no tears come out?

Your heart so broken it can’t figured it out…

Cried so many tears you done went on a drought .

It breaks a little more each time you start thinking about

The reasons why you told yourself you need to get out

The people you lost or needed to move on without

Just to find a little piece of yourself

The doubt that fills me the memories that haunt the pain overwhelms me

The nights I can’t sleep or days I sleep to much

I’m out of touch with reality

Your hearts hurts despite all these wall you built to protect it

Still feeling the pain from the last time you let your heart unprotected

Neglected to see that in-spite of it all you are human too

Just as you bleed I bleed too

& this pain in my chest is a harsh reality

that despite the regality

you are hurting just like me

& I hurt just like you.

If I’m cold hearted

your cold hearted too.

See everyone survives differently.

The possum plays dead when the lion fights back,

some only fight when under attack.

Tit for tat is wack I want to get back to real life .

Even the sun lets the moon shine at night.

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Miami Trip (2017)

This past February into early March I went on vacation. My first stop was to Fort Myers to see my two nieces. We went to a place called the Imaginarium which was okay, but got old quickly. The price wasn’t bad but the animals looked half dead & the equipment was fairly old seeing as though it seemingly been around for a while. The best part was the parrot who danced when you sang to it. We sang “Bird is the word.” Thought that was pretty funny. I also seen a cow in its natural environment. A whole field of them. I thought that was pretty awesome.

We stayed at a hotel that shall remain nameless. It looked like some shady business went down there, but seeing as we had a flight at 6 a.m the next morning & spent most of the day/evening with the girls it wasn’t too hard to bare. Just wouldn’t recommend long turn stay. We had a flight in Charollete, N.C. Overall it wasn’t too bad.

The next morning was horrible we had a layover again in Charollete & then Washington D.C. How random? As if it wasn’t bad enough that they had already taken us out of the state just to bring us back into it. We were only going to Fort Lauderdale about 2 hours away. This whole ordeal took about 8 hrs. I got motion sickness, the stewardesses were VERY rude! I will never fly American Airline again!

After get off the plane around almost 3 o’clock in the afternoon we still had to take a 30-45 min. drive over to Miami. To me that was a whole day wasted, but I left it to my sister to book who insisted on arranging the whole thing on her own. I find myself in a lot of situations like that. I’m noticing a pattern. 

Apart from all the delays she changed the hotel at the last minute. I wasn’t at all disappointed with this hotel rather than the location. It was all the way up Collins ave. closest to mid & north beach. About 20 mins down at least from South Beach & all the locations/ events I planned the trip around. 

North beach, I noticed had more seaweed & rocks even. It wasn’t dirty, but compared to south beach end it looked off. There was even an area with over 20 stray cats. It looked rather homely & compared to South Beach where you would find almost all tourists, you ran into a mixed group of locals & tourists. 


We went to a place called the sand bar to “start” the night. Two drinks in my sister was nice. We left & got a bottle that we shared amongst 3 people. Next thing you know my sister was full blown drunk. I’m still not sure how but she almost got alcohol poison & spent the majority of the next day in the bed. I felt so bad & that is an understatement.


I went to the store & got her the hangover survival kit (warm ginger ale, tums, crackers, & Motrin), before I went off exploring by myself. 

That night my sister befriend a “pimp” who I keep a close eye on & I spoke business with a rabbi in an Uber. All things random happened. Including, my sister throwing up on Ocean drive. I felt helpless for both her & I. As well as a bit sad that she didn’t get to have the Miami experience I had in mind for her.

Heading home she assured me she had fun, but I think we were both pretty much over it.
On the plus side I did hit the pool & get some sun; as well as run into an old friend on one of those unnescary layovers. & of course we did get to see the girls. All wasn’t lost this was a vacation neither my sister & I won’t forget.

Journal Entry: Friendships 1/31/17

We are all battling our own demons. I need to stop letting my impressions of others hold unrealistic expectations on our friendships or relationships. However they may be. 

For example: “she is MY best-friend!” 

But she is also a mother, a daughter, a sister, a professional first & foremost.

In your world she is your best-friend and that is a huge deal to you so you hold her on a pedestal. That comes with expectations of her being there for you whenever. 

As her friend though it is your job to understand that she has a life too & accept her or it for what it is. As she does with you. 

For some this concept is easier to comprehend. Juggling family, business, personal, & friendship can become a lot. It is a skill within itself. Usually we just become overwhelmed which causes us to neglect one of these areas. On a priority level friendship tends to fall short naturally. Not that it’s intentional again, we as people, as friends expect our friends to understand. 

We cannot expect our friend to drop what they are doing when they are doing it to be called to the front lines for us on the drop of a hat.

However, if you can find a friend who makes time for you & manages to be there for you still in your time of need when it counts;’despite the daily chaos of ones own life then you have a friend indeed. 

Accept that,

Cherish it;

& don’t take it for granted!

Journal Entry: closure 1/30/17

What I have learned about closure is that you don’t always get it. Sometimes you just move on. 

Moving further & further away from the door to where it’s no longer an option and seemingly nonexistent. 

Leaving things unsaid or unfinished is usually a pet peeve of mine, but some things are truly just out of our control.

You can’t control anyone’s destiny or actions. If control is your goal than you will always fall short, because even a suppressed mind can evolve over time. Ultimately taking back all that control you thought you had. If control is what you seek then I suggest focusing on bettering ones self control. You can only truly possess yourself and even that is temporary with death which again is usually out of your control; so we’re back at that.

Journal entry: Over-thinking 1/26/17

I’m an habitual over thinker, which has always been one of my biggest downfalls. Just like you can’t expect people to have the same heart as you, you can’t expect them to have the same mind either.

If I based my life based apon other people’s thoughts and opinions I would be no where. Some people have a very limited mindset and therefore I would be limiting myself in exchange; which is counterproductive to my growth & development.

“I’m realizing that as much as I crave simplicity I am far more complicated than I thought.”

Journal entry: Self-development 1/23/17

1/23/17:

This past year has been about self discovery. I have seen my lowest point, but came out with an even powerful mindset. The blessings in lessons. This upcoming year will be about self-development.

People assume that because of how I carry myself with such high regard that I am often reminded of it, but that is not always the case. No one told me that I was beautiful today, I woke up feeling this way. Beautiful & blessed. I remind myself on a daily so that i don’t look to or depend on others for such validation.

I asked if I was a bad person. The answer I got was “No, because you ask this question.”

“There is no such thing as a perfect person. I don’t aspire to be one either.”

“While battling a war against love vs. hate, love wins every time.”


Balancing act.

My writer’s bible (so to speak)

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This is the book responsible for me starting a blog. Not only did it plant the seed, but it literally pointed me in the direction of wordpress where the author himself has a blog called the Art of Non-conformity. He also has a book titled $100 start up that is a New York times best seller. He has made a living from writing and traveling and encourages people to do so, or more so follow their own personal pursuits. He has traveled to all of 198 (i believe) countries. He speaks about travel hacking and budgeting. Estimating that you can go anywhere in the world for the maximum of $2,500. He even gives you a break down enabling you to have a new look on money itself. $7 a day for a year will give you $2,555, hence the trip you thought you couldn’t afford. I plan to read this book again as I have done in the past.

 

Valentines Day Movie Check list

For Friends:

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“The friendship of two women from childhood onwards…”

” Beaches is a 2017 American televisiondrama film directed by Allison Andersand written by Bart Baker and Nikole Beckwith. It is a remake of the 1988 film of the same name. The film stars Idina Menzel and Nia Long. The film premiered on Lifetime on January 21, 2017.[1] “

Re-make of:

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For hopefully romantics:

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“Love By The 10th Date is the latestLifetime Movie. Unlike many films from the network, this one isn’t based on a true story or about a murder, or a conspiracy. Instead, writer/director Nzingha Stewart (With This Ring) gives audiences the story of four women navigating life in Los Angeles, balancing their professional and personal lives. Meagan Good and Kellee Stewart star as friends each hoping to make it to the 10th date with potential boyfriends. Kelly Rowland’s character is surprised to learn that she’s attracted to a controversial reggae musician she has to interview. Keri Hilson’s character is hoping to save her marriage.”

Struggling Singles:

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How to Be Single is a 2016 Americanromantic comedy film directed by Christian Ditter and written by Abby Kohn and Marc Silverstein, based on the novel of the same name by Liz Tuccillo. It stars Dakota Johnson, Rebel Wilson,Alison Brie, Leslie Mann, Damon Wayans Jr., Anders Holm, Jake Lacy and Jason Mantzoukas. It was released on February 12, 2016, by Warner Bros. Pictures.

For couples:

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